Before I begin, I would like to say that I am not a dating expert nor do I have any professional experience in this field. My thoughts and beliefs are based on my own personal experiences as well as those that have been shared with me among my peers. I hope that this post gives readers hope in their pursuit for happiness and some insight on matters we all face while dating.
Chivalry: the ethical codes of conduct that helped to define what it meant to be a gentleman throughout the 4th and 15th centuries.
During the medieval era, emphasis was placed on the development of manhood. A virtuous man was said to be honest, courteous, helpful to women, defenders for the inadequate and supporters of morality. Courtship became an important aspect of medieval culture, as gentlemen were expected to court in extremely romantic ways.
Unlike the Medieval era, we find that we are no longer courted with fine gifts, flowers or even romantic expressions of poetry. Now, centuries later, it seems that chivalry no longer exists. The modernized era filled with texting, virtual chats and social media seem to replace an art form lost and although the means through which we court have changed, it is still alive and well. Here’s why.
Simple deeds such as opening doors, giving up our seats and letting ladies go first, are some of the many gestures that we still see today. Although I can admit that many have tossed some traditions to the side, it is important to understand that our beliefs and behaviors are what shape our current experiences and ultimately, our views on courting.
“You only get, what you are willing to accept.”
Our standards in relationships and courtships are what have caused us to believe that chivalry no longer exists. To know what you want is to get what you want. The standards you set for yourself will ultimately shape your experience. The way we are courted serves as a first impression to most. The way a person speaks, approaches you and expresses himself/herself can give us a gist of who this person appears to be. Although the initial stages of courtship may seem insignificant to some, it is definitely important to take notes in the early stages, as it serves as a test drive to the ride you’re about to take.
“Embody the person you would want for yourself.”
Although I do not believe that we are whom we attract, I do think that we should embody the person we seek for ourselves. We may attract people from all walks of life, but those that we accept into our lives become a representation of ourselves. I find that many people have a hard time finding this “ideal person” when they don’t have much to offer in return. If we want a down-to-earth, kind-hearted human being, we must also become that down-to-earth, kind-hearted human being. Think about your image as a mirror. Your personality, demeanor and appearance should reflect in those you choose to pursue or those that pursue you.
“Never let the noise of the crowd over power the voice of one.”
The following quotes are a list of sayings that I often hear from my peers.
- All men cheat.
- There are no good guys/girls.
- Getting married at 21 sounds like leaving a party at 9:30.
- Girls don’t want good guys. Guys don’t want good girls.
- Chivalry is dead.
Based on the list above we can see that these are all very negative views on dating and relationships. Never listen to the negative commentary, as this will only cause you to lose hope in the very thing you seek. Many people who have these views most likely have gotten hurt one way or the other and have chosen to stay miserable. It is important to define your own beliefs and to know that there are no absolutes in life. The mind is a very powerful thing and if we continue to think negatively about courting and relationships, then we will become stuck under the dark cloud we have created for ourselves.
While we may not wake up to our prince charming, it is important for us to remain optimistic in matters of dating and relationships. I do understand that we have become far removed from the romantic gestures that were expressed years ago, but all is not lost as we have the power to either reject or accept certain behaviors from our potential suitors. The things we begin to accept will become the norm in our personal lives. Chivalry exists and continues to live in the lives of those that place importance on traditional values.